Grown up.

Do you remember ? When we are still kids ? The childlike innocence that comes with being under ten. When the whole world seems like a big adventure where everything is beautiful and perfect and new and colorful.

I remember when I hit that age where every sentence out of my mouth is a question.  “Why is the moon is following us?” “Err, because that’s the way it is.” “Why?” Emm, just because.” I think I drove my parents crazy. We’ve all felt that way sometime, when there’s so many things out there that are unknown and most be learned right now.

But I think I miss that most of all.

When we start to grow up, we lose that naive sense that everything’s always fine, or will be soon, and we don’t realize the bad things in life are actually bad. They’re just the way it is. We don’t know anything different.

Now, everything is different. Absolutely different. And soon, we don’t ask questions anymore, we don’t examine or wonder why we do things a certain way. Sometimes, we just follow the crowd. Or we start to judge.

Maybe this is the norm and we have to accept it. As we grow up, everything is changed.

Farewell UTP

Hellooooooooooo holidays ! After all the challenges and obstacles that I've been through , I finally could enjoy my long holidays. Hyperbola much huh ? Like seriously , I never felt long holidays. After SPM , I got PLKN then a week later, I got an offer to UTP. Because of UTP's system is quite 'unique' , we never get 2 months holidays like others and our sem break is different with others. I'm kinda excited with my sem break. What I'm going to do ? Part-time work ? Or just spend my time watching movies , sleep , 'ternak lemak' at home ?


Through out the final exam , there're negative though and dark mood come to me. I became over sensitive and super annoying. I'm easily get offended with others. Thanks to Akbar, he patiently entertain my whims. With patience, he boost my spirit even though I know he is also worried about the final exam. And also thanks to my lovely girlfriends , for willingly to hear my rubbish thought. One thing that I've learned through out my breakdown, fall out and depression is that sometimes it's not enough to just feel grateful with everything that you have.

To everybody, sometimes you have to be patience with the things that life spit at you as well. You may not like certain things that life offers you now, but later you'll realized why it happened that way. But you just have to be patience to know the reason why.


So, happy holiday Auni !

Final Exam.

There's something about final that scares my guts out. Failure. The feeling of having regrets. The feeling of knowing that you're not doing good enough. The disappointment on your parents face. All of this.

Like seriously , I'm not ready for the final. It just come to fast. There're to many things that I need to revise. I screwed up in many subjects so far. I keep on regretting why I didn't study earlier ? Why I wasted my time watching movies , hang out with my girls , sleep and etc.

It's okay , girl. It's not too late. You still got one week before final. Follow your timetable. Strive till your last breath. Heh. But not to forget , pray to Him. Doa , Usaha , Tawakkal. I guess I forgot one more. It start from word 'I' but I can't remember it right now.


 Goodluck , girl.

Randomnesssnessnesss

It has been about three month I didn't write anything here. Perhaps , I have so much thing to do. So much thing to be settled. World matters. Sometimes , I even forgot about the afterlife matters. About faith, It's become fragile. Sometimes I forget what is the main purpose of my life in this world. Lillahi Taala.

Human, easily to forget. Sometimes, when I laugh too much I'm afraid that one day, I'll cry. I keep asking myself , do Allah pleased with me ? If I died tonight , today , right now , what will be my path ? Heaven or hell ? How about my duty ? As a daughter ? As a student ? As a friend ? As a ummah ? Did I already complete it ?

Sometimes , I reminiscing and remembered all of the trials and tribulations Allah brought me to - and got me through- 19 years of my life. It is painful. But then, I ruminated over how much Allah had actually blessed me. I began to realize how the tribulations I were going through were insignificant in comparison to those of others, and how Allah had allowed me to come closer to Him by placing them in my life. I then realized what an honour that was. And as these thoughts raced through my mind, I started to choke up. Have I really given my best ?

O Allah! I ask you to make me pleased with what You decreed for me return to good life after death, and I earnestly seek the pleasure of looking at Your Glorious Countenance and the craving to meet you, without distress or affliction or misguiding trial. I seek refuge in You from oppressing others or being oppressed, from doing wrong or suffering wrong, and from committing an error or a sin, which you will not forgive.

Aminn.

"Berjalanlah, selagi mampu. Walaupun dalam keadaan merangkak.

Kerana Dia pasti datang kepadaMu." - I love this quote. It's inspiring me.